


Bee Space

by qwanderer



Series: My Dear Doctor [5]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Beekeeping for Beginners, Episode: s05e24 Empok Nor, M/M, Mary Russell Mysteries, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qwanderer/pseuds/qwanderer
Summary: Bees must be given space measuring exactly between 1/4 and 3/8 inch, to prevent them from closing themselves off.





	Bee Space

**Author's Note:**

> ~~All~~ quotes are from the short story Beekeeping for Beginners, by Laurie R. King.
> 
> (ETA: I also quote Shakespeare, and have corrected the quote and added the full version in the end note)

_Had the child pulled out a revolver and fired it at me, he could have silenced me no more effectively._

Sherlock Holmes, _Beekeeping for Beginners,_ Laurie R. King 

* * *

Empok Nor was a slow, terrible slide back into the worst of Garak's mindset as an agent of the Obsidian Order. 

Fighting a war was one thing. Hunting and destroying the innocent was another. 

* * *

When Garak woke up on his return from Empok Nor, the first thing he saw was his dear doctor. He fought the urge to scramble away. 

Elim Garak's hands had not been clean in many, many years, but it had also been a long time since they'd felt this bloody. Doctor Bashir was many things, with his own darkness and his own secrets, but he kept his doctor's oath. That was what defined Julian, as Cardassia defined Garak. 

Hands so bloody had no place near the good doctor, who stood there, all professional concern, telling Garak what he'd been exposed to and all the doctor had done to help him recover. 

Empok Nor had changed things. Not in any real way, Garak supposed, but in the way Garak himself saw them. Julian could immediately see something had changed, Garak knew, from his tiny frowns at certain moments, from the way he moved a little more carefully around Garak at certain moments. 

There were many long moments of unspoken things that passed between them while Garak was in the Infirmary, while Bashir made sure his brain chemistry stabilized. 

The doctor was always patient. Garak could see that in his eyes now. He would wait as long as it took for Garak to be ready to reach out to him again. When Garak thought about that, he doubted he ever would be. 

He could always be wrong. The blood on his hands was nothing new, after all. Elim Garak was a dangerous man. Julian was simply very good at making him forget. 

* * *

"Lunch tomorrow?" Julian asked as he discharged Garak from his care. 

Garak shook his head, careful not to let any of his real reasons show. "I'm afraid I have a great deal to catch up on," he said. "Another time, perhaps?" 

Julian frowned, but nodded. "Shall I come by tonight to check on you?" he asked, meaning several other things at the same time. 

"No, no, I'm sure I'll be fine." Garak waved away his concern. 

* * *

Garak managed to evade him more or less naturally for about a week, before the doctor conspired with Ziyal to catch him on the way out of the holosuites. Garak threw her a betrayed look before, frankly, fleeing. 

Julian, of course, gave chase. "Come here. Come here, Garak!" His voice held exasperation, worry, and fondness. "I have something I want you to read." 

Garak didn't want to refuse that, but if he was right about what kind of story Julian was offering, it would really be best if he did. He turned to face Julian as he got in the turbolift. "Doctor," he said. "I really don't have time right now to indulge your literary whims." 

"It's just a short story," Julian said, eyes pleading. "It shouldn't take you more than an hour or two. If you don't have an hour or two to spare, then, as your doctor, I'd definitely prescribe rest." 

Garak eyed the doctor. He sighed. "I suppose I might be able to find a quiet hour or two," he said, and held out a hand. "Although I can't make any promises." 

Julian grinned broadly as he dropped the rod into Garak's waiting hand. "I know," he said. 

* * *

Beekeeping for Beginners was clearly a plea to stay close, from the very first line. 

_Any reasonable man may reach a point in his life where self-destruction becomes a door worthy of consideration. A point at which it seems that the least a walking anachronism can do for the world is to remove himself from cluttering the landscape._

Holmes, before he'd met Russell, was in exile. Confined. 

_To a soul-grinding boredom and a pervading sense of uselessness._

Itching to find some way to be useful, to get his hand back in the game of spies. Watson could see it, and despaired. 

_"I can't say that I've been much of a friend this winter. I've only managed to get down here a handful of times, and my visits never seem to distract him much."_

Here Garak suspected that Julian would be tempted to cast himself as Watson and Ziyal as Russell, the young girl who was now occupying the detective's time. Or... perhas Julian was asking a question. _Is it her? Is that why we're drifting apart?_

No. No one could replace Julian. And he was smart enough to know that. Perhaps it was simply despair that he couldn't do anything more for Garak. 

Julian had to know that it wasn't for Garak's own sake that he was staying away. But maybe he needed reminding. 

A plea for a reminder, then. 

The story moved on, back to Holmes and his memories of teaching Russell beekeeping. 

_"But, you're going to take a queen who's happily doing her job, and just... kill her?"_

_"Rule Two of beekeeping: One must be cruel, only to be kind."_

_"Hamlet. Act three. You must be their scourge and minister."_

_"Precisely."_

The man taught her about not just literature and beekeeping, but through them cruelty for a greater purpose. Julian wasn't blind to those parts of him. Julian had known, had seen, from the beginning. 

It started in little things, like culling a queen honeybee, or pruning back the branches of a fruit tree. But the larger acts of ruthlessness were there to see in the smaller ones, as the story soon demonstrated. 

Holmes kept secrets. Holmes did what was necessary. Holmes kept Russell alive. 

The message lacked subtlety, but then Garak suspected that it was meant to be heard shouted. _Don't go, don't go, don't go! I know what you are. You know so much more than me, smart as I am. I need you, even if I resent it sometimes._

Garak sighed. Julian was not going to give up. And Garak did love him for it. 

* * *

Garak stood in the doorway of Julian's quarters, hands folded behind his back. "May I come in, Doctor?" he asked. 

"Of course," Julian said, stepping aside immediately. 

Garak was silent as he went to turn on the sound jammer, and then he just stood, looking at Julian. 

"Are you all right?" Julian asked quietly. "Well," he corrected, "as much as you ever are?" 

"No," Garak admitted. "I've been... troubled." 

"That's not at all surprising," Julian said. "After what happened, anyone would be." 

"Ah, but I am not just 'anyone', my dear doctor, am I?" Garak asked. "I did nothing on Empok Nor I hadn't done a thousand times before." 

"But that was before," Julian murmured, approaching slowly. "You've changed. And you didn't want to do this. Every other time, I'm guessing you had choices. Maybe not good ones, but they were there. You might make the same choices now, you might not. If you'd had the choice, you wouldn't have done this." 

"I'll never understand how you can have such faith in me," Garak said, nearly whispering. 

"Because I know you," Julian said, firm and confident. 

Garak looked away. "I couldn't think about touching you, I could hardly bear to see you, with those hands and those eyes that came back from Empok Nor." 

"So you weren't going to push me away forever?" Julian shook his head. "You could have told me you needed time." 

"I meant it to be forever," Garak said. "I always do. But someone keeps pulling me back." 

Julian smiled ruefully. "Is that so? And who might that be?" 

"I'm so very lucky," Garak told him, "to know someone whose stubbornness is a match for my own." 

"Is it too much?" Julian asked, far too gently. "Do you really wish you could fade away, perhaps start over somewhere else?" 

Garak shook his head. "My darling, I may encourage you to doubt anything and everything you might think you know about me. I still do. But if you must believe anything, believe this. You are my family, my love, and in my heart second only to Cardassia itself." 

"'Doubt thou the stars are fire'?" Julian asked, and the corner of his mouth turned up. 

"Don't quote that tripe to me," Garak growled. 

"You like Shakespeare," Julian insisted, still smiling teasingly even as Garak pushed him against the wall. "You can admit it, you know." 

"Never," Garak said, and pressed in to kiss Julian, holding his hands against the wall with fingers laced in between his. 

**Author's Note:**

> Doubt thou the stars are fire,  
> Doubt that the sun doth move,  
> Doubt truth to be a liar,  
> But never doubt I love.  
> \- Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2


End file.
